It’s an examination or scrutiny into one’s own state, conduct or motives.
(Job 13:23) How many sins have I committed? What wrongs have I done? Show me where I went wrong or how I sinned.
(Psalms 19:12) People cannot see their own mistakes, so don't let me commit secret sins.
(Haggai 1:7) The LORD All-Powerful said, "Think about what you are doing.
It is not possible, without much of the Divine Light, to understand all our deviations from, not only the letter, but the spirituality, of the Divine Law. Frequent self-examination, and walking in the light, is essentially necessary to the requisite degree of spiritual perfection. (Clarke)
How often do you do self-examination? Frequently, sometimes, never? I have to admit, I’m with the “never-group”. Self-examination has never crossed my mind and at the age of 35 I thought I knew myself … but clearly I don’t. Why? Because I’m impulsive, I act without thinking!
Impulsivity is a personality trait characterized by the inclination of an individual to initiate behaviour without adequate forethought as the consequences of their actions, acting on the spur of the moment. Wikipedia could also have called this the definition of Charmaine.
I constantly find myself in difficult situations because of my inability to slow down, analyse the situation and the possible consequences, and then only taking action. I make quick decisions, and tend to get very impatient when others don’t do the same. The same quick decisions normally test my problem-solving and conflict management skills, and to be honest, I don’t do very well in those areas either. The truth of the matter is that this is a serious problem, and that it hinders my spiritual growth, and future relationships with others.
How do I combat this negative trait in my personality? Research on the internet provides a number of solutions. Psychological testing and medication is but a few of these “solutions”.
I believe self-examination is the first step in finding the true reason for my behaviour. Psalms 26:2 Look closely at me, LORD, and test me. Judge my deepest thoughts and emotions. The psalmist evidently felt that it was essential to his welfare that the most rigid examination should be made; that the exact truth should be known; that if he was deceived, it was the best for himself that he should not be left under the delusion, but that, understanding his own case, he might be led to secure his salvation.
I need to be patient. I need to be calm. I need to stand still, and focus. I need to spend more time with Him, my Father. Then and only then, can I move forward and become the person He planned for me to be!