Friday, 3 June 2011

TESTIMONY - DALEEN REYNEKE

I'm publishing a very personal testimony by my sister, Daleen Reyneke.  Initally, the contents shocked me, as I believe would others as well.  Maybe that is the aim, to shock you and me, but at the same time, show us the imense Grace of our Heavenly Father.  It also reflects His plan for you and me.  We were born for a reason, and that reason is to spread the Good News, the Good News of Jesus' resurrection.  The fantastic news of God's incredible love for me and you.  God loves all, including all the sinners, He does however hate the sin.  God is giving you and me a second chance today ... take it!

1 Tim 2:6 'who gave himself to redeem the whole human race. That was the proof at the right time that God wants everyone to be saved,'

John 5:34 'It is not that I must have a human witness; I say this only in order that you may be saved.'

This is going to be a short, skinny version of my life story, not detailed – just the essence. Which i think will be more than enough to make people think... or make some think twice.
When my mother was pregnant with me my dad decided he didn’t want any more  children, and few people are aware of what a drastic effect something like this has on a baby in the womb, the results are frightening. This also gave the devil a legal right to me and i entered this world along with a spirit of rejection, feeling completely misplaced and unloved, unwanted. I remember growing up and being convinced that my “dad” wasn’t human even, that he was some other entity who wore a mask. I believed he looked totally different underneath that “face” we all saw... i felt completely alienated, as well, from him and everyone and everything. Disconnected and always in the way.
When i was 5 years old, i experienced the first physical/spiritual manifestation that would paralyse me and cripple me from having a normal life. It began as a so-called night terror, where i was walking through a thick forest at night time and a huge, vicious tiger started chasing me. He jumped on top of me and pinned me to the ground, thats when i woke up – terrified and paralysed – i saw a huge demon busy trying to strangle me. Somehow he let go and left. For the next 6/7 years this reoccurred constantly, sometimes night after night and never exactly the same. Mostly ‘it’ would walk into my room and sit on my bed, staring at me and often they would just stand there, day or night time. The devil had a legal right to do this, due to my dad’s rejection, and he took full advantage. I became so terrified and fearful, devoid from having a normal perspective on life – i started thinking that i obviously then belonged to the dark side, it was my fate, basically. I was very small still when i would start crying when i saw certain things – black objects like the umbrella, the black raincoat behind the door, the black vacuum cleaner... And no one ever wondered why??
I became incredibly rebellious and started noticing some gay tendencies as well (a false identity formed because of the lies the devil fed me, which i believed) – we all know how important the role of a father is in a girl’s life. So many things can go wrong when that is not the way it should be. My dad was not involved and quite frankly didn’t really seem to care, the marriage wasn’t a happy one either. In primary school i was already smoking and drinking, even at school, always in trouble and in the headmaster’s office. I was a very, very angry individual. When i was in high school i became a member of a blatantly satanic cult and dove right into the middle of it, sold my soul and all the rest. The devil isn’t very discreet though and started bothering my family members, the ripple effect of my magical practices became evident soon and my parents found out what i was up to. Satan himself appeared to my mother, laughing at her, telling her that soon i’d be his forever. By then i had been infested by demon spirits that would sometimes take complete control by putting me in a trance-like state – and shocking events took place. The whole town and surrounding areas were terrorised by the havoc myself and other members of the cult were causing, the kids in school were so scared that the principal asked my parents to take me out of the school. We moved to another town and things calmed down a little, later on i even started seeking God and started understanding the Bible, felt something changing inside of me but because i thought i could do it all on my own, the fire died. Then the drugs became the only way i could escape this horrid reality that was too harsh for me to live, i had become so dysfunctional that nothing made sense and i just didn’t want to live at all. I did all the drugs available to the maximum, as much and as often as possible – but it was never enough... Because of the excessive amount of acid i was taking i started having panic attacks and a doctor prescribed Rivotril, a tranquiliser – which was the worst thing to do as it has a reverse effect when you don’t take it. So for 11 years i took that, along with all the other illegal drugs – professionals at the first rehab didn’t even try to get me off of it (rivotril) since they had never been successful before! People came clean from everything, except that. I was by now a heroin addict who had tried to self destruct in every possible way – countless suicide attempts, a crazy, dangerous lifestyle of borrowing, begging and stealing, all sorts of criminal activities... just lies. I was a lie. I was se plagued by the reality that there was no purpose for me anywhere, i searched everywhere for meaning and truth but found none. I tried all alternative religions, looked everywhere – but nothing. Everything was empty and loaded with self-effort, which always fails somewhere along the line, especially for an addict. I hated myself and everybody else, because i never felt a part of anything, i never felt i had a right to exist even. I saw no light, knew no light and thought God was just as evil as the devil. I hated the Christian lifestyle which i saw in my parents and others, since it seemed fake and pretentious. One massive struggle. Happiness and joy was an illusion or wishful thinking. To me nothing existed except darkness, death, pain and sorrow.
Things got so totally out of control and no matter how i overdosed, i just didn’t die! Finally it was too much for everyone – always in trouble with the law, i was always disappearing and later re-appearing in a terrible state... So i went to a 5week rehab but was clean for less than 3 weeks, i couldn’t do it since my addiction had evolved into a compulsion by then. In the first week of detoxing something strange happened, which i (and neither could the therapist) could not explain. I started having the most horrific, grotesque dreams, similar to things i had experiencing during satanic rituals – and every morning as i woke up i would be crying uncontrollably for at least 2 hours. This went on for about a week and a half. I now understand, as God has since revealed to me, that He was delivering me from many of the demons which had attached themselves to me. It was in other words a “spontaneous exorcism” so to speak! (Praise God!).
I didn’t know this then and didn’t seek God while in that recovery program, it wasn’t the right time yet, obviously. A month later after being back home it all started again but was much worse than before. I used more, caused more havoc and was on the verge of death. I knew it was the end of the line for me, everything was dead inside of me – heroin kills you from the inside out. My mind was completely tangled up and twisted, just chaos and disorder and lots of noise! Physically my organs caved in, my body couldn’t handle all the abuse any longer (i was 35 by then).
My parents followed the guidance of the Holy Spirit and decided to send me to Noupoort Christian Care Centre (a definite last stop!). By then I had been on so much psychiatric medication (since I had been to so many psychologists and psychiatrists who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, manic depression, amongst other things); anti-psychotics, ant-depressants, mood stabelisers, tranquilisers and sleeping agents. Noupoort required of me  to stop taking all of it and be clean for a month before they would take me, otherwise I would be unmanageable.
Coming clean from rivotril especially was a trillion times worse than going through heroin withdrawal, for about 3 weeks I had to stay in bed due to the intense withdrawal symptoms. I couldn’t walk, couldn’t see (when I opened my eyes I would see at least 10 of everything in my view – I couldn’t grasp distance or depth at all), couldn’t really eat... (It took 7 months to withdraw from that evil stuff – a legal substance prescribed by doctors!). That first month was hell, but the time in Noupoort was just as hellish. There is much to say about the place, but what matters is that the highlight of my existence thus far happened there – i decided to really make an effort cause i knew it was my last chance. I had hit such a terrible, dreadful rock-bottom that i couldn’t go any lower and i knew it was a life or death situation... So i started seeking God with all my heart, and He responded by revealing Himself to me in a supernatural way that turned me upside down and inside out, forever! It was such a dramatic, powerful experience – my whole being was taken over by His power, love and glory – my heart was beating so fast i thought i was going to die! Then His fire fell all over me, my skin was literally blood red and as hot as flames... and i saw His glory manifested in front of me. There was a tremendous impartation of His spirit into mine, so intense that i couldn’t sleep or even close my eyes for 3 days and 3 nights, my spirit had been rebooted!
I also felt the chains that held me in bondage break off. Strongholds were smashed to pieces in an instant and the freedom i suddenly knew was from another world; the darkness was gone, it had been expelled by the light of Christ and there and then i was a new creation. The other people on the program couldn’t believe it was me – i was instantly different. Such overwhelming joy flooded my heart that I couldn’t keep it to myself, I started telling everybody what had happened! It felt like being beamed up by the Mother ship! An experience such as this, which is absolutely spiritual, is almost impossible to describe with words as we know then, human language can never do something like that justice. Suddenly everything made sense, the universe and everything in it was understood and I felt in union with it – because He is the creator of it all and I was now tapped into Him. This was a love gift of grace, something so wonderful and beautiful, my heart still sings when I think back... Immediatly I had meaning and purpose, and I knew that He was going to show me endless things from His depth and goodness. I knew : life had begun!
From then until now, my growth has been immense and the journey with Jesus gets all the more interesting and exciting! Getting to know who i am in Christ has been the most liberating experience, finding my value and worth in His heart has brought joy unspeakable, the renewal of my mind, the love of God that opens up like a flower inside your spirit... nothing compares. I have fallen in love with Him in such a drastic way, that i could never ever think of walking away. He is our home, our source of life and without being connected to Him, we will never come to our full potential or be restored to our original, true identity. All we need is His love, His eternal truth that sets us free.
I have been clean for over 2 years now and have such passion for Him and for life itself, so many plans to do so many things! The cycle and stronghold of addiction has been broken and plucked out by the root – it is no more. The stuff about my childhood was so deeply buried underneath all the layers of lies and deception, that later on i didn’t even understand why i was such a mess anymore. It was only by divine revelation and my seeking until i found, that everything started making sense and the puzzle pieces of my life started falling into place. I realised that everything wasn’t my fault and that there was a lot of forgiving to be done! It was a very long, very hard road, so many things happened which i haven’t mentioned here, but i hope that this (as i believe are the Spirit’s guidance) will make a difference in someone’s life, touch somebody, somehow, somewhere...
All honour, praise and thanks be to Jesus Christ, my best friend, my companion, my redeemer and saviour, comforter and Father. You are KING, eternally!!!


                                                            --oOo--

2 comments:

  1. Ek kan nie die testimoy sien nie, dis blank??

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jy behoort dit nou te kan sien.

    ReplyDelete